Merde

I awoke to find sun streaming in through my window this morning. That doesn't happen. With a start, I checked the clock - 1:30. Fuck. Clearly I was late to the rendezvous for the chateaux of Loire valley.

This has bummed me out seriously. In addition to missing what was (and actually still is, as they won't be back till like 7) surely a great trip seeing amazing sights with my friends in the program and eating an amazing lunch, I was also supposed to discuss my paper with my professor. I wrote him an email to see if I could just send him my outline to look at again, because that was all I really wanted anyway.

Conclusion: future consumption of alcohol will be better moderated, because I'm not quite sure how I got into my bed. Everything kind of fades out in Evelyn's room.

As usual in these situations, I'm more worried that I did or said terrible things that I don't remember and refuse to take responsibility for if I can't remember. I know I had a brief gmail chat with Steve that I had no idea of before he told me, and that it took place around 5:20. Was I seriously still up then? I had to get up at 6 to go to the chateaux, so now I'm constructing all these wild and terrible notions of like having walked down to the lobby totally plastered, thinking I could pull it off, and being like sent back to my room in disgrace, and then waking up and remembering none of it. But that probably didn't happen. I hope.

Much as on the few other occasions when this has happened, I feel violently uncomfortable and extremely cold and alone, and will continue to feel so until I can get in touch with someone who can fill in the gaps for me so I can assess the damage. As also always seems to happen during these situations, said person is impossible to reach at the moment, leaving me feeling, hence, alone, cold, and afraid.

Hopefully my teacher will be willing to look at my outline by email. Otherwise my paper will be surrounded by a lot of worry. At the moment, I'm going to get a start on the weekend's homework, in a flagalant act of penitance and so I don't feel like the day was a total waste. But really it was. What a schmuck.