Your Video Tour of Montmartre!

Start your tour by getting off at Metro stop Blanche, above. You'll find yourself in a large square that houses the Moulin Rouge, which is fairly awesome though quite touristy. You won't be able to see a show unless you have a lot of money to blow (most every option is above 100 euro; I believe there might have been some show-and-X-amount-of-drinks option that was like 70), but they have a nice little display out front about their history for the gawkers. Next to this is, amusingly, one of the cheapest things you can find in Paris, a Quick fast food restaurant. I've never had the pleasure of dining in one, unfortunately, but its giant Coca-Cola sign definitely accentuates the Moulin Rouge windmill well. Turning to the right, you will see the boulevard heading off West. This is also filled with sex shops, at least up to Place de Clichy, but I unfortunately didn't get to see this part. Continuing, you will see a sex shop with video cabins, a Buffalo Grill, which was amusing to me in that the first time I was in Paris this girl and I got lost, and all we could remember was that a Buffalo Grill was near our hotel, so we wandered around asking strangers "Ou est le Buffalo Grill." We...weren't too successful. Further on, you will see the Boulevard heading east, which you will become more intimately acquainted with, followed by a big ad for American Gangster (our stupid culture is everywhere). Then you will see a street, the name of which I have unfortunately blued over in the picture, which leads to the Cafe des Deux Moulins, where interiors for Amelie were filmed. Finally, you will see a nice little crepe stand with a yellow awning next to the Quick. I got a delicious hot dog here to start off my adventure.



Following this, head up that street I mentioned next to the yellow-awning place and stop by the Cafe des Deux Moulins. I had a cup of hot chocolate and read Sartre, myself. It was fun. If you have the patience, you can wait to use the Orgasm Bathroom. Personally, I didn't, since it looked really cramped anyway and didn't seem worth it, though in retrospect, I kind of wish I had.

Anyway, from there, return back to the place Blanche and head east down the Boulevard de Clichy. You will be assaulted by assholes tugging at your arm and trying to get you to go in their strip clubs or hire their hookers, so keep up a tough front (it would help to have a friend with you, too). Just shrug them off and say "No merci" as forcefully and repeatedly as necessary to get them to bugger off. Do stop in some of the sex shops, though; they're good times.

Not too far from here, you will eventually arrive at the Museum of Eroticism, which is most definitely worth whatever admission they're charging. Seven floors of dirty, dirty art. It's amazing! Here is a video of one of the sculptures within:



And here is a tour of the 7th floor, which was housing an exhibition by a really fantastic artist. Like a dumbass, I didn't record his name anywhere, but it was really good work - sexy drawings about youthful sexuality at its most playful. Ask me to see the pictures, or maybe I will do the work to find a site where I can actually post them, along with the photos of everything else in the Erotic Museum...



After spending hours upon hours in the Erotic Museum, you may again emerge blinking into the daylight (or into the cool of the night, if you actually really spend hours there) and continue heading east on the Boulevard de Clichy. Eventually, you will reach the Pigalle stop, which is the next one on line 2 of the Metro. From here, head north. The Sacre Coeur should be making itself readily apparent.

Entering the square, you will see a Merry-Go-Round and a lot of guys who will welcome you and try to tie string bracelets around your wrists. Continually refuse their faux-kindness, unless you want to pay whatever exorbitant price they will end up asking you for the bracelet. Bastards.

Continue upward. You will eventually be afforded both a beautiful view of the city and of the basilica:



Explore the basilica. It is pretty. Then, afterward, explore your surroundings:



After you feel you have sufficiently experienced everything, slowly make your way back down the hillside and hop onto the Metro again, where you may head home (or out somewhere else, if you so choose). You've had a long and fulfilling day.